SinoPenn

I already posted about my yet to end saga with the Shanghai DMV (or whatever it’s called here.. Ministry of Motor Vehicles?).   The whole idea of driving just got a bit more painful tonight on the way back from the other job.

I was so close to home tonight, I could smell the ayi’s cooking already!  As I passed my beloved Century Mart, a car came barreling out of the parking lot.  I was on my bike, pretty much just heading home when…

He fucking HIT ME!

Not that hard, mind you.  His bumper got up into my petals, and I managed to keep control of the bike.  But that’s about all I kept control of.  I turned around and YELLED!  I don’t remember what exactly, but it was something along the lines of JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!  ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MIND?! WHAT THE FUCK?!

The car backed off rather quickly and I kept going, waiting for them to pass me.  A blue taxi passed instead, so I figured I scared the hell out of them enough that they were going to keep their distance.  I turned toward home and realized, I haven’t yelled like that in years!

I have a few beers now, so time to relax.  Maybe a little Grand Theft Auto is in order.

I think I broke my blog. Anyways…

I know this was stupid of me, but I had to go in there to pick up something last night. I’m thinking 9:20pm, shouldn’t be too hard. 9:23 I got my item. 9:25 I was in line.

9:47 I was finally out and on my way to KFC.

There were two groups in front of me, both doing their “STOP!” thing. Except the first group had to argue with the woman about just about everything. Apparently their last order wasn’t quite enough for them to use up the two 5 RMB coupons they’d already collected, so they’re arguing amongst themselves.

“Lets get tissues!”
“We already HAVE Tissues!”
“Okay, how about laundry soap? It’s right there.”
“We already bought laundry soap!”
“But it’s just right there. Let’s grab it and go!” (the sensible one)
“We don’t need it!” (the guy pissing me off.)

I’m mostly guessing judging by their facial expressions, my somewhat limited Chinese & where they were pointing.

It’s starting to turn into an artform on who can get closest to 200 RMB to get that coupon.

The next people up in line only had 2 air purifiers, a few boxes of wine & various other things. Not that much at all, but some pricy stuff.

Price came to 250 RMB. Too late to yell “STOP!” but the guy had a plan.

“We don’t want that purifier. Put this bottle of wine on there instead.“

Price is down to 205 or something like that. Finally they can pay and continue.

Next batch: 270 or so RMB. Again, remove the purifier. Add a few other things… Price closer to 200.

Pay & continue. Last batch. Two cheap purifiers. DAMNIT!!! Again, just short of 200! What on earth will THEY buy? The Suspense is KILLING ME!!!

The guy turns around & sees me and my one item and says “sorry” with his Summer Teeth grinning the whole time. I said nothing.

They got what they wanted and proceeded to pay, using the 2 coupons they’d already collected. But then he pulls out a stack of cards. Gift cards, maybe, but there looked to be about 20 in all. The cashier had to scratch something off every single one of them, manually enter the cards, individually, one at a time, a single card at a single time, scratch, enter, scratch, enter… you get the idea.

Anyways, they finally buggered off, and I got there with my single item (yes, it was actually quite necessary to get this item at this time). The girl smiles, says, “Ni Hao! ” I hand her the item, 10 rmb, get the change and get the fuck out of there, that cheeky Summer Teeth smile still etched in my mind making me even more furious. 9:47 according to my mobile. 22 fucking minutes for that.

You’ve made the lines at the checkout 5 times SLOWER than what they were before! How did you do it? By offering a 5 RMB coupon for every 200 RMB spent at the cash register!

How this works: Say you’re out shopping with the missus & the little ones. Fill your cart up nice & full. Now, head over to the check out area.

Unload your cart, but keep an eye out on the total price. When it goes over 200 RMB, shout, “STOP!!!” and pay & get your coupon, and let her bag everything up. Start again. Unload more groceries, yell “STOP!!!” at 200 RMB, pay & get your coupon. Wash, Rinse, Repeat ad nauseum.

Congratu-fuckin’-lations on making an already slow line even slower!