SinoPenn

Every day (until next week when I move out of this god-forsaken town), I have to ride a cramped, smelly, nasty bus called “74″. It goes from Judytown to West Yan’an Road, though I get off at Beixinjing Subway Station.

Most of the time, it’s a relatively normal ride. You get the peasants staring, the people pushing & shoving & staring, and the occasional screaming baby… staring. A couple days ago, however, I saw this at the exit of the bus.

From Shanghai, Chi…

Oh yes, that is INDEED a hypodermic needle! Don’t believe me? Here’s a close-up.

From Shanghai, Chi…

Why is there a needle on the bus, I ask myself. For what purpose would injecting yourself on a bumpy, crowded bus be made necessary? Was this something so drastic, or life threatening that it couldn’t wait until the destination was reached? Or at least some place where one bump wouldn’t have someone accidentally injecting the neighboring passenger?

And then… why just disregard the needle at the exit of the bus? Why not throw it into a proper receptacle upon exiting the bus? Oh… wait… This is China. I forgot.

The “needle end” of the syringe had already been busted off by the trampling feet of workers, shoppers, whackshack girls & the likes. Who knows where that part ended up. For safety’s sake, hopefully not injected into the heel of a happy bus rider.

That’s right! According to Snatch Night Club & The Shanghaiist, Iron Mike Tyson is on his way to Shanghai to rape & pillage his way through the local Shanghai population. Why should Shanghai fear his coming? Have you ever heard the man talk?

Mike Tyson to his fellow Prison inmates: “I’m on the Zoloft to keep me from killing y’all.”

On his bankrupcy: “I’ve got nowhere to live. I’ve been crashing with friends, literally sleeping in shelters. Unsavoury characters are giving me money and I’m taking it. I need it. The drug dealers, they sympathise with me. They see me as some sort of pathetic character… I know I was a tough, bad-ass talking fighter, but I ain’t no mob figure. I did my time for the rape. I paid my money to Las Vegas. I paid my dues. I ain’t the same person I was when I bit that guy’s ear off.”

On Madison Square Garden: “I could sell out Madison Square Garden masturbating.”

In a Press Conference: “I may like to fornicate more than other people — it’s just who I am. I sacrifice so much of my life, can I at least get laid? I mean, I been robbed of my most of my money, can I at least get head without the people wanting to harass me and wanting to throw me in jail?”

There’s also a contest that says if you can guess why Tyson has a tattoo of Mao on him, you can win a photo op with him. He’s going to choose the winning entry ALL BY HIMSELF!!! Such a clever boy!

Stay tuned to find out what other witty remarks this genius poet comes up with (all by himself!) in Shanghai & read more quotes over at Rotten.com.