SinoPenn

Li TianQi of the ministry of Weather today said he wanted to let U.S. President Barack Obama know where he stood in China.  Calling upon MOW resources, Li made sure that the rain would be pouring upon Obama’s visit.  Why make it rain, we asked him.

“It’s quite simple-lah.”  Li is quoted.  “Remember the nice beautiful clouds during the National Day in Beijing?  We did that.  Now it was time to let the U.S. President know of our influence.”  Temperatures dropped in Shanghai during Obama’s visit, in which he visited both government officials asking him things like “You like chinese food?” and “Busha bad-la.  You think so?” and school children asking about the latest state of affairs between Sino-U.S. relations.

When asked what’s next for the Ministry of Weather, Xue Shangdi, vice minister said, “I believe Mr. Li wants to ensure a New Moon for the Spring Festival, but he’s still rather touchy on the whole ‘eclipse’ incident“.

Meanwhile, the Ministry of Time, when asked why it’s dark in Shanghai at 5 in the afternoon, merely replied that time zones are a very complicated matter.  “It’ll take time.”

Eric woke up this morning at around 4:00am and got himself a copy. Claiming he woke up because of a “fucking mosquito”, he decided to stay awake, get online, read the latest news & fire up Fox News Talk.

Usually he wakes up around 5:00am. He can’t explain why. He just does. Eric has also stated that he “might have a cold.”

Comments from Tianya:

lili:

Wow. He’s stronger than me.

xiaoxiao:

He should drink tea. He’s in China now, not America.

pengpeng： Continue reading

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The Ministry of Weather, after being snubbed by its request that the moon not eclipse the sun, had ordered a rainstorm over Shanghai for the morning of July 22nd. At around 5am this morning, the storm clouds moved in as requested, blocking out the view Shanghai would’ve had of the historic Astronomical event.

Anonymous sources inside the Ministry has stated that the “harmonious, stable and strong China cannot allow such an event to occur, lest it show that China is under the influence of extra-terrestrial powers.” The ministry also stated emphatically that “There shall be no eclipse as long as Kirk lives!” It is currently unknown as to who “Kirk” is.

When asked why the storm didn’t affect other parts of the country, the Li TianQi, the Ministor of Weather, issued the following statement:

We are baffled as to why the moon hasn’t withdrawn from the sky, and have since sent notice for the moon to justify its actions. The Ministry of Weather is righteous in its request. Its non-compliance can only be seen as a slap to the face of all Chinese. We’ll be looking into taking further actions against the moon.

Other sources state that reasoning behind this decision is not fully known, but it’s speculated that the Vice-Minister, Li TianQi had contacted the moon to “stay clear of the sun” as he and the Minister had boating and fishing plans that day.

When interviewed about whether or not the moon can be swayed to stay clear, the sun simply said, “BOOM! CRACK! SSSSSSSSS!“. The moon had no comment.

In other news, the Ministry of Time may had indeed discovered time zones, but the related documents had been misplaced somewhere on Lower Tongren Road.

The Ministry of Weather today announced that it will continue to heap rain & cold onto Shanghai for at least another week.

“We gave people a week of sunshine,” says Li TianQi, Minister of Weather, “and all they really did is complain about it not being warmer.” When asked why the ministry is continuing to send clouds & rain to Shanghai, he simply responded, “The people need to learn to respect their government and respect the Ministry of Weather. We’ll let it clear up maybe in a week or so.”

Philip of Punxsutawney declined to comment.

Meanwhile, word is out that the Ministry of Time is “looking into” the theory of “time zones”.

Despite temperatures as high as 76°F (24°C) last week, the Ministry of Seasons has indeed declared that the season continues to be winter. Locals across Shanghai are sighing, as they don their double and triple layers and thick coats & jackets once again for yet another week.  Xue Shangdi, Vice Minister cites reliable sources for this decision, but refused to go into details.

Philip of Punxsutawney sides with the Ministry of Seasons declaring winter is still here.

Anonymous sources from the MoS, however, cite foreign influence in this decision, naming a relatively unknown entity only known as Philip of Punxsutawney. Philip seems to have ties with an underground movement in Pennsylvania, but up until this revelation, it was unknown what his affiliations were.

“It’s obvious now. Phil is indeed a communist.” says a Punxsutawney native. “He was always such a delightful chap, too.”

This revelation has also caused a stir among overseas Chinese as well.  “We love our country! We really do!” says Yang Mei Mei, an overseas student.  “But seriously!  We’re in Melbourne! It’s like 35° here!  Do we really have to wear sweaters?!”

“YES” says the Ministry of Seasons.  Citing national patriotism and a need to remain in control, it was suggested that ALL Chinese must continue to stand as one and adopt the “It’s winter! You NEED layers!” policy.

On an unrelated note, the Minstry of Time continues to disavow any knowledge of Time Zones.